Caught this ad on a recent DVD release. First of all, recognize the irony of the fact that I’m forced to watch an anti-piracy ad after purchasing a DVD. Good to know I’m guaranteed to be treated like a criminal when I’ve already done the right thing.

Let’s talk about their metaphor for a minute. They’re going to compare the protagonists of “The Wizard of Oz,” four of the most innocent characters in film history, to internet pirates. Then they’re going to make the studios (in this case Warner Brothers, I think) the Wizard. Did they forget that ultimately the Wizard is just a feeble, impotent old man whose only recourse is to control a city of people through cheap special effects? Who the hell is the Witch in all this? The lawyers who defend pirates? But then they’re saying that the ultimate goal of the studios is to make pirates kill lawyers. That doesn’t make any sense. I want an explanation from Warner Bros. on this one.

This just hammers home the point that Dekker and I are always harping on: these ad people are morons. If you’re going to use an extended metaphor regarding DVD piracy to a classic film, at least have the sense to do it with a film whose characters aren’t in the public domain.

And just to prove that America isn’t the only country where ridiculous conclusions are made in scientific academic studies, a British study has concluded that at least 50,000 women have left traditional western religions to become Wiccans because of “Buffy: The Vampire Slayer.” There’s no doubt in my mind that Wicca became more popular in roughly the same decade that “Buffy” became popular, but it’s a chicken or the egg kinda scenario. “The Craft” came out a year before “Buffy,” and arguably made witchcraft look more fun.* “Charmed” came out later but put more emphasis on Wicca. Isn’t it possible that the interest in Wicca has been growing over the last few years and as a result it just appears in entertainment more frequently?

Besides, why must Gellar be the focus of the blame (assuming she wasn’t just named in the headline to get more hits)? Joss Whedon was the creator of the series. He obviously had a greater deal of influence in the creative direction of the series than Gellar did.

Or what about Alyson Hannigan? She’s the one who made being a witch look so damn sexy.

Keep in mind we’re also talking about people whose primary religious choices are “Church of England” or “other.” Have you ever been to a Church of England service? It’s worse than watching golf! I’d be a Zoroastrian before I’d join the Church of England.** Maybe Wicca is just more exciting than traditional religions, or maybe Bill Hicks was right.

So confused by it all…

*I recognize that people make a distinction between Wicca and witchcraft, but I don’t know enough to use the terms correctly, so for parsimony I’m going to use them interchangeably.

**I actually think Zoroastrianism is really cool, but I assume the conversion is complicated and I’d give up before it was over.

I kid the Albertans, seriously. Comic fans know Alberta as the birth home of the X-Men’s Wolverine, however the Canadian province does more than churn out awesome indestructible mutants. St. Paul, Alberta is home to the world’s only UFO landing pad which is accompanied by a UFO museum with complete exhibits about cattle mutilations, crop circles, and other weird UFO phenomena.

Thanks a lot, Life and Travel in the Canadian Prairies. Maggie’s going to be all over this when she finds out about it. Who knew the Canadians could out-nerd us? I mean, we all know William Shatner’s Canadian, but he never got into being a nerd icon, in fact he ultimately came to resent it. Knowing this explains why all my Canadian friends are such geeks, though.

Anyway, the location is home to the Star Trek convention Vulcon as well. I have to say, if any aliens are reading this right now, Canada is a much nicer place to visit than Alabama. You are much less likely to end up with a few rounds of buckshot in your antennae if you visit the North, though I recommend you bring a jacket.

If “Air” by G. Willow Wilson and M.K. Perker doesn’t take off, I’m going to blame it on DC marketing. My Vertigo stack has been growing of late. Thanks to the confidence restored to the brand by “Y: The Last Man,” I have taken a chance on books like “House of Mystery” and “Young Liars” and have so far been decently impressed.

“Air” is no exception. The story follows Blythe, a flight attendant who finds herself caught in a web of weirdness involving an underground, anti-terrorist vigilante group and an ethnically-ambiguous stranger named Zayn. Perker’s art is fantastic and looks even better in color than it did in the black and white graphic novel, “Cairo.”

I bring up DC’s marketing department, however, because when I read the preview for “Air” which appeared in the back of all the Vertigo books last month, I assumed the book was going to be God awful. The preview they put together has almost no story and is completely out of order. It makes Wilson look like one of those writers that tells stories alinearly just to be pretentious. The story itself is mostly linear, except for following that classic comic tradition of showing the climax of the story at the beginning of the book and then flashing back to explain how the characters got there. The first issue reads as an almost self-contained arc, except there are so many questions at the end you can’t wait to see how the rest turns out. It’s definitely worth the $2.99 if you’ve got it and you’re old enough to be considered “mature.”

Your result for The Director Who Films Your Life Test…

Steven Soderbergh

Take The Director Who Films Your Life Test at HelloQuizzy

Chicks Dig the Scars

A friend of mine linked me to this op-ed on “The Dark Knight,” which I found a refreshing take on the film as opposed to the “Batman as George W. Bush” metaphor. Regina Barreca, a professor of English from the University of Connecticut, argues that girls go for guys like Joker as opposed to the heroes of the film, Bruce Wayne and Harvey Dent because Joker is simply more interesting. This may be the reason so many men can get behind Jack Nicholson in “As Good as it Gets” when he equates women to a man without reason or accountability. Barreca justifies Joker’s attractive qualities by comparing him to death row inmates who receive marriage proposals. The missing element of her analysis, though, is any sort of reading of the characters beyond what you see on screen.

Yes, Dent may want to hang out with his old fraternity brothers and play golf on Saturday morning, but he spends Monday through Friday inciting the wrath of mobsters and even disarms and pounds one on the witness stand. He has that dark, tortured side which, before the “accident” would probably manifest in occasional bursts of anger and aggression (which we know women love). Granted, Dent’s first love will always be Gotham City and the Law, but the woman who tolerates the lonely nights will ultimately be married to the mayor of the city.

As for Bruce, we’re talking about a guy in peak physical condition for a human being. Yeah, he has to work out a lot, but this is the price you pay for sleeping with a man who “has no limits.” But we’re talking about a wealthy guy with a perfect body. What woman doesn’t at least say she wants that? Not interesting enough, his parents were murdered right in front of him when he was a child. He’s chock-full of those emotional distress women love so much. The only problem is that Bruce would make a poor partner because he spends every hour of his life pursuing his mission, and you could never share that with him. . . unless you become a crime fighter too. This is why Catwoman has always been the ideal partner for Bruce.

The thing that gets lost is that the Joker is criminally insane. Aside from the fact that he will never tell you the truth about anything, you have to realize that he thinks nothing of shoving pencils through a guy’s eye. He’ll keep you up all night chatting on the telephone, but every once in a while he’s going to talk about decorating his Christmas tree with a guy’s entrails or shouting fire in a crowded theater just to watch how quickly people will trample one-another. He doesn’t just burn piles of money, he’ll set you on fire if it suits a particular metaphor or proves a point he’s trying to make. I will say, however, that if Joker, Bruce, and Harvey were pursuing a particular woman, Joker would always get the girl (and did in the movie). Joker doesn’t have any motive and changes his M.O. like people change shirts. He’ll do whatever he has to do, and Batman and Dent would always be a step behind.

I love this song in and of itself. Whenever I need a pick-me-up I can call Boximus with this song blasting out of my stereo and we have a coast-to-coast rock-out session. When I saw the video I was somewhat shocked by the homoeroticism. Enjoy.

I came across this internet rumor that Ron Howard is directing a Bill Hicks biopic starring Russell Crowe. The Howard aspect of the rumor remains unconfirmed, but Crowe has confirmed that he is involved with the picture, which is currently in the treatment phase.

First of all, Bill Hicks is my favorite comedian, so I can’t approach this objectively. Now I have no doubt that Crowe could play it. He would work really hard on developing the accent and the mannerisms and would even walk around for a month sporting that awful haircut, and it would probably be a great movie. But I just feel strongly that Bill Hicks should be played by an American. There is something profoundly American about Bill Hicks’ comedy, and I just really think he deserves that consideration. I also hope they can make the movie without pulling any punches. The man had his demons, but he managed to make some great work on the side. I would almost rather not see a biopic of Bill Hicks made than see the movie I fear will be made. Fortunately, there’s always the real stuff.

I have to admit up front that I’m a big fan of Morgan Spurlock. I agree with a great deal of his opinions, and he somehow always finds a way to argue his side convincingly when I disagree. When I sat down to watch “Where in the World is Osama Bin Laden,” I expected to agree with him a great deal. Spurlock does not disappoint.

The premise is pretty self-explanatory. Morgan travels all over the Middle East with a camera crew asking random (and some not so random) people “Where is Osama Bin Laden?” The answers become a source of comic relief in between much tougher questions like, “What do you think of America?” and, “What would improve the quality of your life?”

My favorite moment in the film, the one that really sums things up is when Morgan asks an old man where Osama is hiding and he responds, “Who is Osama Bin Laden?”

The translator replies in Urdu (I think), “He’s the one who blew up those buildings in America.”

The old man says, “Fuck Osama Bin Laden. Fuck America.”

That about sums it up. The theme of the film is the same thing I tell everyone when they ask me what it was like to live in Egypt: Most people in the world can’t afford to care about international policy. They just want to live good lives and provide for their families. I don’t know how the documentary scores as a film, but it is an entertaining and emotional piece and a fine non-thirty-day format film from Spurlock. Everyone who has an opinion about the Middle East needs to see this movie.

Oh, and the animation is hilarious in this one.

My good friend, Dekker Dreyer (I link to his blog’s main page in the header), has written a very cogent analysis of why Fox is shooting themselves in the foot trying to can “Watchmen” permanently. There’s a famous time in film history when publishing mogul William Randolf Hurst tried to have “Citizen Kane” kept from public viewing, and we all know how that turned out, don’t we?* Anyway, click the picture to read Dekker’s post.

*Who am I kidding? Kids today don’t even know who fucking Pol Pot is. “Citizen Kane” became the best movie ever and Hurst went broke.